


Clueless

by Momokai



Series: Ship Clubs [3]
Category: Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: 'Jail Bait', Cloud's a sassy little shit, Fluff, Gen, Hinted Sefikura at the end, Humor, Mildish cursing, One Shot, Prompt word is 'Clueless', Ship Clubs challenge, cross posted from tumblr, nothing graphic at all, sfw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 09:39:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6561316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Momokai/pseuds/Momokai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zack is a pest, Cloud's resigned to putting up with him and Sephiroth is clueless. Until he's not really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clueless

**Author's Note:**

> Drogsetiid’s request for Club ‘Jail Bait’ and her word ‘Clueless’. This one-shot is SFW.

Despite what Zack liked to say, Cloud Strife was not a delicate little Chocobo, he was not cute and he was not adorable thankyouverymuchZack. He hadn’t made SOLDIER, no, but what Zack had failed to hear was that it was not because of any lack of skill on Cloud’s part. No he’d passed the written and skill tests fairly easily, it was the medical tests that had been his down fall. His body was too sensitive to Mako. If he underwent the enhancement procedures he would succumb to a very nasty case of Mako Poisoning. 

He was basically allergic to Mako. 

All Zack had heard was ‘failed the exam’ and promptly thrown himself at the indignant blond to ‘comfort’ him. Yes, he was disappointed, yes he was a little mad, no Zack, he was not devastated. 

So he’d signed a waver and became a Trooper instead. Why? Because it was money he could send home to his Ma, and he still had valuable skills he’d picked up as a SOLDIER Cadet, he could easily work his way up to be an Officer and maybe branch over to a Special Ops unit. He would still be strong, just not super strong.

In the mean time, he still had plenty of things to keep him occupied. 

“Zack, if the next word out of your mouth is anything synonymous with cute or Chocobo, I will tell the General that you’re the one whose been sneaking shirtless photos of him to the Silver Elite.” Cloud snapped as Zack pulled him in for a noogie. The Second Class squawked and released the blond as if he’d burned him. 

“Hey, don’t be like that Spiky! I was just trying to cheer you up!” The SOLDIER wailed as he made aborted motions to reel the diminutive trooper back in. “Besides,” The dark haired SOLDIER said, grinning, “You don’t have any proof.” Cloud rolled his blue eyes heavenward.

“I don’t need proof, Zack. All I have to do is say something to him and he’ll launch an investigation. If he doesn’t come after you with Masamune first, that is.” The blond said, smirking at his friends faltering grin. 

“Damn Cloud, when did you get so ballsy?” The Second class asked, shaking his head in disbelief. Cloud shrugged in answer.

“About the same time you shoved me into the General’s apartment. And left me there. To die.” The blond hissed, glaring accusingly. Zack threw his hands up in surrender. 

“Hey, you got out in one piece didn’t you? And you finally got to meet Seph! Seriously, the guy needs more friends, and you’re irresistible Cloudy, no one can say no to that face.” The raven haired male cooed as he reached out to pinch Cloud’s cheeks, only to get swatted. 

“He was naked, Zack. Naked. He had been in the shower and thought someone was breaking into his home. I almost died!” The blond spat, face pink. Zack gaffawed, leaning down to grip his knees as he cackled. 

“It was glorious!” He wheezed. “I almost wish I’d seen both of your faces.” He gasped out, and Cloud ground his teeth in embarrassment. “I bet it wasn’t his face you were looking at though, eh Cloudy?” Zack wheezed out, elbowing the blond suggestively as he broke down into giggles again. Cloud opened and closed his mouth a few times before smirking.

“Glorious.” He said instead, and Zack choked before teetering sideways and collapsing against the wall, howling his amusement. 

“If you must insist on making so much noise, Zackary, please take it outside.” Came a smooth baritone from behind them, and Cloud straightened to attention reflexively. Zack made no move to do so, instead he almost seemed to laugh harder at the sight of the General, who frowned imperceptibly in confusion. Cloud only gave the man a crisp salute.

“Sir.” He said, and General Sephiroth tilted his head slightly in his direction, his version of a greeting. 

“I already told you, Cloud, you can call me Sephiroth.” The silverette intoned, and Cloud nodded. 

“I know.” He said. 

“Come on Spike, you’ve seen the guy naked and survived, I think you’ve earned the right to call him by his first name.” Zack said as he slowly regained control of his mirth. Sephiroth’s face suddenly took on a charming shade of pink. 

“And whose fault was that.” The General stated warningly, still pink, and Cloud watched with his own growing amusement as Zack’s face rapidly paled. “As I recall, you were the one to misappropriate Corporal Strife from his duties, you were the one who broke into your superior officers personal quarters, you were the one who abandoned your comrade in a nearly hostile environment. Need I continue?” Cloud took enormous enjoyment in the way his friend shook his head so quickly his hair flicked him in the eyes. 

“Come on Seph, give me a break. I was trying to help two friends out, you’re in need of some special company and Cloud here has a major crush, do the math!” Zack blurted, and Cloud froze in his ‘abort! Abort!’ gestures as Sephiroth turned fathomless green eyes to him.

“Er.” Was his eloquent response. Zack grinned impishly at him while Sephiroth merely blinked. 

“I fail to see how that in any way warranted your actions.” The General replied, completely clueless, and Cloud slumped in relief as the man turned his intense stare over to Zack, who flailed. 

“Oh come on Sephiroth, how does that not make sense to you!” He squawked. “I was trying to get two friends laid!” Zack explained, gesturing from Cloud who dropped his head into his hands and Sephiroth, who merely blinked. 

“How does-” The man began, before Cloud threw his hands up to stall him. 

“With respect, sir. Zack shut the hell up before I tell him.” Cloud hissed at Zack, who flinched back as if he were a bristling Chocobo. 

“You wouldn’t.” The dark haired second hissed back, and Cloud bared his teeth.

“You just blurted out one of my secrets Zack, try me.” He snapped as Sephiroth blinked between the two in growing confusion. He’d just been interrupted. No one had ever interrupted him.

“Excuse me.” The General suddenly said, and both bristling teens straightened.

“Sorry sir.” Cloud said, promptly ignoring Zack, who pouted. 

“Zackary. You have several reports overdue. I want them on my desk in three hours.” The General ordered, eying the Second pointedly. Zack sighed long sufferingly and gave a half hearted salute. 

“Yessir.” He moaned, before slumping off after one last pout at Cloud, who glared back warningly. Once the other male had disappeared into the elevator, Cloud turned back to the silver haired General, who was still staring after the other in mild confusion. 

“I’m sorry about that, sir.” He said, resisting the urge to stare at his boots. 

“Sephiroth.” The man said simply, and Cloud sighed and nodded. 

“Sephiroth. I’m sorry about Zack, he’s being…” Cloud trailed off, trying to think of the right word. 

“Childish. Irritating. As Genesis would say, nosey.” Sephiroth filled in, lip quirking slightly at the corner. Cloud snorted quietly. “He seems very concerned with my personal relations. And yours.” The General said after a beat. Cloud shrugged and eyed the ceiling.

“Personally, I think he just wants to take pictures.” He blurted, before abruptly snapping his mouth shut. He did not just say that in front of Sephiroth. He did not. Nope. No way in Hel.

“What would he wish to take photos of?” The silverette asked, eying the blond in confusion. Cloud swallowed thickly. Don’t think about it don’t think about it don’t think about it shit he was thinking about it.

“Us.” He blurted once more. Sephiroth’s confused frown deepened.

“Why?” He asked simply, and Cloud decided he was going to Hel anyway.

“Because he’s a pervert and he’d add it to his collection of shirtless photos of you.” There was no understanding on the mans face, and Cloud inwardly wondered if he was really that clueless. 

“He has pictures.” Sephiroth said instead. “Of me.” He continued, before raising his gaze to stare fixedly at the elevator. “Undressed.” He drawled.

“So do I.” Cloud slapped his hands over his mouth in horror. Oh shit. Sephiroth didn’t skewer him however, or even visibly react except a long and slow blink in his direction. 

“You have already seen me completely naked, Cloud.” The man gently informed him, as if he’d somehow forgotten. Cloud inwardly flailed. Where had his ballsy’ness gone. It’d left him. High and dry. 

“It…doesn’t bother you?’ He ventured, and Sephiroth merely shrugged. 

“If it had I wouldn’t have let you walk out of my apartment alive. I also wouldn’t be inviting you back.” Cloud gaped at him.

“But you haven’t.” He spluttered, and Sephiroth quirked his lip again.

“I believe I just did.” Cloud gaped some more.


End file.
